My Parents Disgust Me

When my dog goes on a walk she revels in the beautiful air and surroundings finally available to her after a sulking day of lounging on the furniture.  I let her smell everything, poop and pee on everything, and spend as much time as she needs on any one spot of earth.

So when I go on a walk with my parents it saddens me when I see them walk a constant pace and never allow my puppy the time of day to sniff and awe at the world she sees but once or twice a day.  They'll yank her, yell at her, throw her around.  I can't help but hold my anger in--they walk for exercise, I walk for beauty.

Parakeet Puppy

You ever tried putting your arm out like you would for your bride in preparation for walking down the aisle for your dog to jump on it?  You know, as you would for a bird to perch upon, such as an eagle or a hawk (not that I expect any of you to have experience with such animals)?

It's cute.  They'll wag their tail, they'll stare into your eyes with longing and affection.

Makes my day, it does.

SNIFF ALL THE BUTTS!

On the internet message board site Reddit.com there is a meme--a phrase or picture or otherwise which is used over and over and over again in different contexts--that does "[blank] ALL THE [blank]".

So I decided, after walking my dog today, that a post using this meme was appropriate.  Maddie is a sniffer, like most dogs, but she is a selfish sniffer.  I let her play with one of the neighborhood dogs today and she was all too eager to get some sensual butt-sniffing action in.  What can I say?  She is starved from any canine contact at home where she does nothing but lay on the couch we have provided for her.  But I digress...

So to the selfish part--the gist of this post.  She ran up to the terrier and immediately initiated her olfactory operation, but when her little friend tried sniffing her underside Maddie would do nothing less than evade.  Overprotective?  Insecure?  Afraid her jewels are on trial for inadequacy?  

I have taken Psychology in my college career so far which only fuels my curiosity.  Let me tell you--dogs are easy to understand, and dogs are near impossible to understand.  They have easier-to-understand basic drives and behaviors and a very basic vocabulary (at least in humanspeak) but when you really get down to it you realize that they just don't act like you think they do.  Psychology does that to you, however; just when you think you figured out everything you need to know about people and the world around us it bites (sniffs) you in the ass and tells you how very wrong you are.

Kind of like my dog.  She'll nibble when you aren't complying with her rules.  Or whine.  Or babble in her own language...but that's a concept for another post.

Happy New Years!

~intelligence

My Dog Has A Boyfriend

He's a German Shepherd; he's my ex-girlfriends dog, and he is a sniffer--rarely a barker.

She's a Beagledor; she's my pride and joy, and is a whiner, a barker, and part beagle--but that's redundant.

They kind of dated for a while (all over my house, mind you) but only after the third date did they decide to commit to something more serious.

Now they yearn for each other daily.  Really fucking pisses me off sometimes.

I hate how my blogs are so niche.  They shouldn't be, yet they are.

But I love the world so I can't complain.

Comment if you believe I should update this blog more often.  If it gets more popular I'll probably change the template as well--gotta keep up with the times.

Until then, stay classy, sharp, and never out of it.

~intelligence

Cuddle Buddies

I'm sure each and every one of you canine captivators out there have had to say on many occasions "GET OFF OF THE COUCH". Well, i know I have--part of the daily routine, really. But as much as the sight of a wiry furball on the couch evokes a streak of anger you just cannot stand up to them when you wake up in the morning to the beautiful placid sight of your dog, curled up on your already-ruffled covers. Melts me away sometimes.

Have You Ever Tried...

..letting your dog take you for a walk?

If you give in to it, you'll notice how refreshing it is.  You have to get past the fact that it isn't a simple exercise routine and realize how your dog perceives it.

It's a frolic through the city of scents, an adventure through lands where many like dogs have tread and marked their own spot and a devious opportunity to say "off with their piss!" and lay down a nice stream of karma.

It's slow, but once you get used to it you might not want to go back to being ignorant and hasty.

If you've ever read Plato's 'The Cave'...yes, exactly like that.

So go ahead, please, let your domestications relish in the way they could only be naturally selected towards.  You might even find yourself relishing as well, with a little ketchup, some onions and peppers and some good old Dijon mustard, too.

There Will Be Much Mindless Gnashing Of Teeth

I have just returned from a walk with my brother.  We take care of one of our neighborly--elderly couple's dog (Boo) twice a week and give them a long walk, on which I brought our little Labrador bitch alongside.  I noticed a few things, which I will put into delicious list style.

1)  Halfway through, I finally realized what Maddie was doing--she would always try to run ahead of us to get to the fresh smells first.

2)  Being ahead, she would sometimes get so caught up in her world that when she finally snapped to reality (a.k.a. realized there were three beings behind her) she would immediately pounce towards Boo, attempt to gnaw violently on one of her front paws, and then launch back towards the front of the pack.  And I mean LAUNCH.

3)  Whenever we would have an encounter with another neighborhood dog I would have to yank and pull Maddie until she knew that we didn't need her fooling around anymore.  Once she hurriedly groveled alongside us she would look up at us, longingly perhaps, asking us in her head "you still love me guys, right?".  Regardless of any acknowledgement she would set her gaze again towards the front of the pack.


Do you read your dog's mind?  Feel free to comment, I'd love to know I'm not the only one.

The One Time I Wish Dogs DID Suck

No, no, no; it isn't like it sounds.  It just grinds my gears, roasts my bottom sometimes.  It's fine when the dogs jump and roll and eat each other on the carpet--I can deal.  But when I just did the vacuuming for the day and Kara brings over her poop-headed pooch unexpectedly and MESSES UP the same carpet I had literally vacuumed one minute before she came over...sigh.  I just need mother nature to evolve those canines a built-in vacuum before I raise hell.

It's A Blog Eat Blog World Out There...

Welcome.  

As an introduction I will announce that this is my third blog I have ever made.  Devoted to (you guessed it!) me and my friend's dogs.  

They are idiots.  But they are our idiots, so you can't have them.

We were walking them just now and I had the stupendous idea to record their antics and stupidity in yet another blog.  It's full of suspense, slapstick, pointless barking, embarrassing photos, and even a little bit of undeveloped romance...

I hope you enjoy as we travel through the eyes of the most tortured (ahem, i mean domesticated) animals we could get our hands on.  Thank you and good morning.