Lazed and Confused

To transcribe it in a vulgar tone, my dog is a lazy bitch.  Yes, she is a female--so yeah, readers, back off, you don't know me like that.

Ever since we gave her couch permissions (purely the old ratty couch my dad used in the fifties, we wouldn't dare provide the leisure of the nice sofas) she has spent most of her day lazing.  I'm not even kidding.  She'll be up for walks, and pee breaks, but as she returns to the house she'll plop her underbelly right onto her new bed. Sometimes we have to force her to eat.  Sometimes she'll eat her breakfast for dinner.  And her dinner for dinner the next day.  Sometimes--if you are around to watch, much like Santa Claus--you'll get a peak at that rare moment when she gets off the couch, does a huge, concise stretch and ambles over to the other, hamster-smelling bed in the family room.  Which she'll continue to lay on, of course.

We joke about it.  When it's time for actual night-sleeping we'll say "okay, time to lay down and go to sleep!'

I'm sure you can make up your own humor.  

IT'S OFFICIAL

My dog has now successfully created and flexing her own language.  Whether it complies with the flow of English I don't know.  All I know is it's loud, repetitive and obnoxious as hell.

That concludes this post.

Until next time,

~intelligence

My Parents Disgust Me

When my dog goes on a walk she revels in the beautiful air and surroundings finally available to her after a sulking day of lounging on the furniture.  I let her smell everything, poop and pee on everything, and spend as much time as she needs on any one spot of earth.

So when I go on a walk with my parents it saddens me when I see them walk a constant pace and never allow my puppy the time of day to sniff and awe at the world she sees but once or twice a day.  They'll yank her, yell at her, throw her around.  I can't help but hold my anger in--they walk for exercise, I walk for beauty.

Parakeet Puppy

You ever tried putting your arm out like you would for your bride in preparation for walking down the aisle for your dog to jump on it?  You know, as you would for a bird to perch upon, such as an eagle or a hawk (not that I expect any of you to have experience with such animals)?

It's cute.  They'll wag their tail, they'll stare into your eyes with longing and affection.

Makes my day, it does.

SNIFF ALL THE BUTTS!

On the internet message board site Reddit.com there is a meme--a phrase or picture or otherwise which is used over and over and over again in different contexts--that does "[blank] ALL THE [blank]".

So I decided, after walking my dog today, that a post using this meme was appropriate.  Maddie is a sniffer, like most dogs, but she is a selfish sniffer.  I let her play with one of the neighborhood dogs today and she was all too eager to get some sensual butt-sniffing action in.  What can I say?  She is starved from any canine contact at home where she does nothing but lay on the couch we have provided for her.  But I digress...

So to the selfish part--the gist of this post.  She ran up to the terrier and immediately initiated her olfactory operation, but when her little friend tried sniffing her underside Maddie would do nothing less than evade.  Overprotective?  Insecure?  Afraid her jewels are on trial for inadequacy?  

I have taken Psychology in my college career so far which only fuels my curiosity.  Let me tell you--dogs are easy to understand, and dogs are near impossible to understand.  They have easier-to-understand basic drives and behaviors and a very basic vocabulary (at least in humanspeak) but when you really get down to it you realize that they just don't act like you think they do.  Psychology does that to you, however; just when you think you figured out everything you need to know about people and the world around us it bites (sniffs) you in the ass and tells you how very wrong you are.

Kind of like my dog.  She'll nibble when you aren't complying with her rules.  Or whine.  Or babble in her own language...but that's a concept for another post.

Happy New Years!

~intelligence

My Dog Has A Boyfriend

He's a German Shepherd; he's my ex-girlfriends dog, and he is a sniffer--rarely a barker.

She's a Beagledor; she's my pride and joy, and is a whiner, a barker, and part beagle--but that's redundant.

They kind of dated for a while (all over my house, mind you) but only after the third date did they decide to commit to something more serious.

Now they yearn for each other daily.  Really fucking pisses me off sometimes.

I hate how my blogs are so niche.  They shouldn't be, yet they are.

But I love the world so I can't complain.

Comment if you believe I should update this blog more often.  If it gets more popular I'll probably change the template as well--gotta keep up with the times.

Until then, stay classy, sharp, and never out of it.

~intelligence

Cuddle Buddies

I'm sure each and every one of you canine captivators out there have had to say on many occasions "GET OFF OF THE COUCH". Well, i know I have--part of the daily routine, really. But as much as the sight of a wiry furball on the couch evokes a streak of anger you just cannot stand up to them when you wake up in the morning to the beautiful placid sight of your dog, curled up on your already-ruffled covers. Melts me away sometimes.